S.C.

又係東同西 多謝o西呀 S. C. ！ 我相信自己係西施，唔係東施！ 九一主義呀！

To S.C. You and Dr.Lee--hero knows hero.

呢度係咪寄存笑話嘅地方？我有少少貨。 An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidently forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire. So, they decided to go see their physician to get some help. Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctor's office very pleased with the advice. When they got home, the wife said, 'Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don't you write that down so you won't forget?' 'Nonsense,' said the husband, 'I can remember a dish of ice cream!' 'Well,' said the wife, 'I'd also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll forget.' 'Don't be silly,' replied the husband. 'A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!' 'OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget,' said the wife. 'Come now, my memory's not all that bad,' said the husband. 'No problem--a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream.' With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later. Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, 'Hey, where's the toast?'

吳蘭露 I always feel thankful to those who are witty, humourous, or offer jokes for others to share with laughter.

S.C. Thanks a lot！

//人若風流多韻事// S.C.君無論學養、性情都令人敬佩，無名不辭拙漏，敬上一首： 人不風流別有情， 無邊韻事自天成， 飄然嶺上雲飛白， 逐水桃花葉尚馨； 細雨微濕溪澗石， 春風初探露中萍， 文章大塊欣欣讀， 子落松間一鑿聲。 祝聖誕新年快樂！:)

難得有人鍾意睇 繼續……幾個短打…… ***** 客：你地呢度乜嘢菜最出名？ 侍：係血燕呀先生。 客：由動物個口度吐出嚟咁唔衛生！ 侍：對唔住，咁請問先生想要啲咩？ 客：你俾住份雞蛋我先…… ***** 老師：小王，你嘅毛病就係用詞不當，而家考考你用一句成語嚟形容老師好開心。 小王：含笑九泉。 老師：你……咁你試吓用「左右為難」嚟造句。 小王：我考試時左右為難。 老師：係因為你唔識答，令你左右為難？ 小王：唔係，係左右同學答案唔一樣，搞到我左右為難。 ***** 小王：媽，俾一百元我。 王媽：唔得。 小王：你俾一百蚊我，我就話俾你聽，今日阿爸同Maria講咩野。 王媽一聽，即刻攞咗一百蚊出嚟。 小王：阿爸話，記得燙衫。

仲有我都好鍾意睇 祝聖誕新年快樂

我較喜歡聽……笑聲 ***** 小駱駝：爸，我們的背上為什麼要有駝峰？ 駱駝爸：因為我們在橫越沙漠時要儲存脂肪和水分呀！ 小駱駝：那我們為什麼要有長睫毛呢？ 駱駝爸：因為沙漠風沙大呀，可以保護我們的眼睛呀！ 小駱駝：那我們的腳底為什麼要長肉墊呢？ 駱駝爸爸很自豪的說：這樣比較容易橫度沙漠呀！ 小駱駝百思不得其解：那......那我們現在在動物園幹嘛？？ ***** 有一人獨自在叢林中冒險，突然發現自己被食人族重重包圍，於是對天空大喊：「我死定了，X 救救我！」 只見天空出現一道光，傳來一個聲音：「還不一定，現在你撿起地上一顆大石頭，把帶頭的酋長砸死！」 於是他撿起地上最大的一顆石頭，狠狠地砸向酋長，正好把酋長砸死，族人全都呆了一呆，接著怒目相向。這時天上又傳來一個聲音：「現在你才真的死定了。」 （吳蘭露按：為免引起不必要的糾紛，當中敏感字眼以 X 代替。） 祝各位聖誕既快上，又快樂。

死火……漏咗個 牧師、和尚及喇嘛，這天相約到湖上泛舟。 喇嘛忽然站起來說：「噢！對了，我的車上有我與達賴喇嘛的照片 ，我去拿給你們看！」說完便跳下船，以神乎其技的蜻蜓點水方式，三步兩步地走過湖面，到岸邊的汽車上取出照片，之後又以相同的方式回到船上。 牧師在一旁看了這一幕，不禁對喇嘛的道行心生敬畏。不一會兒，和尚也說：「啊！我的車上有上次和星雲法師的合照，我也去拿來給二位瞧瞧！」說完也跳下船，用著與喇嘛相同的方式輕輕鬆鬆地走過湖面，拿了相片回來。 牧師在旁一看，也對和尚的功力深深佩服。牧師心想，同樣是神職人員，當然不能給 X 沒面子！於是他站起來說：「我的車上有上次到梵蒂岡和教宗的合照，我去帶來給二位看。」說完也跳下船，結果噗通一聲整個人沉到湖裡！他掙扎的游回船上，想說可能是沒祈禱之故，於是開始虔誠地禱告，然後又跳下船。但還是噗通一聲整個人沉到湖底。 他又掙扎回到船上，並開始有生以來最用力最虔誠的禱告，然後又跳下船去，結果還是噗通一聲整個人沉到湖底。 一旁的和尚與喇嘛看了後討論說：「我們要不要告訴他那些石頭的位置呢……」 （吳蘭露按：你知啦… X 即係…） （吳蘭露加按：絕不含任何岐視成份，100%得啖笑精華，請放開懷抱服用。） 祝各位平安夜 要平安有平安，要瘋狂有瘋狂。

好笑 謝謝你為我們帶來歡樂

別讓笑聲停下來 呢個我曾經喺第二個地方寄存過，睇過嘅觀眾請勿丟蕃茄。翻炒係因為，實在係好好笑！ 1. In a Beijing hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable." 2. In a Shanghai hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front desk." 3. In a Hangzhou hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid." 4. In a Jilin hotel: "You are very invited to take advantage of the chambermaid." 5. In a Wuxi dry cleaner: Please drop your trousers here for best results." 6. Outside a Tianjin clothing shop: Order your summer suits quick. Because of big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation." 7. In a Xian tailor shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs." 8. In a Guilin hotel: "Because of impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose." 9. An ad by Kunming dentist: "Teeth extracted by the latest methodists." 10. In a Hangzhou zoo: "Please do not feed animals. If you have suitable food give it to the guard on duty." 11. From a karaoke bar song list in Suzhou: "I'd Like to Teach the Wound to Sing" and "What Kind of Foot AM I" 12. In a Taiyuan bar: "Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts." 13. Hainan airline ticket office: "We take your bags and send them to all directions." 14. In a Huashan temple: "It is forbidden to enter a woman. Even a foreigner if dressed as a man." 15. In a restaurant menu in Harbin: "Salad a firm's own make - limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger - beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion." 16. In a DongGuan Pub: "No push, no fun. No clothes, no sweat" 祝各位平安夜 平裏有狂 瘋中帶安 正所謂 No push, no fun. No clothes, no sweat.

小小心意^^ Wise blind elephants Six wise, blind elephants were discussing what humans were like. Failing to agree, they decided to determine what humans were like by direct experience. The first wise, blind elephant felt the human, and declared, "Humans are flat." The other wise, blind elephants, after similarly feeling the human, agreed. (Contributed anonymously)

另一則^^ Compassion with an umbrella A Western Buddhist woman was In india, studying with her teacher. She was riding with another woman friend in a rickshaw-like carriage, when they were attacked by a man on the street. In the end, the attacker only succeeded in frightening the women, but the Buddhist woman was quite upset by the event and told her teacher so. She asked him what she should have done - what would have been the appropriate, Buddhist response. The teacher said very simply, "You should have very mindfully and with great compassion whacked the attacker over the head with your umbrella." (Contributed by Susan)

^^ Q: How do I become a Lama? (dear friends, pls don't get offened, it's just a joke.) Q: How many wives does Buddhism allow? A: You may have as many as your tolerance for misery can bear. (Contributed by mubul@aol.com )

corrections Q: How many wives does Buddhism allow? A: You may have as many as your tolerance for misery can bear. (Contributed by mubul@aol.com )

給吳蘭露 你重post的那個笑話(formerly係向偉大的祖致敬)真的很經典, 我email了給很多朋友, 個個讚不絕口. i want to say thank you and pls keep up the good work. merry x'mas.

(轉貼)歷史笑話 話說東晉初年,氐人符堅,統一了中國北方,建立大秦(後稱前秦).雄心壯志,欲一統天下,於是揮軍南下,率百萬大軍,攻打東晉. 符堅大軍走到洛澗時,部下石越進言:「晉朝有長江天險,我想不是那麼容易便可取下 」 符堅:「夫差和孫皓都有長江天險,不是也滅亡看我的 」 於是命令部下脫去褲子,割下子孫根,皆投入河中,洛澗為之淤塞 由於前秦大軍皆去勢,士卒變得乸型,無力作戰,於是被東晉謝玄的北府軍一舉擊敗,眾人皆成俘虜,被迫入宮做奴隸,是為太監之始. 史稱「投鞭斷流」 (信不信由你)

我也有一個笑話 這是真人真事. 我有一個朋友的朋友,他有一個三歲的女兒.有一次在麥當勞吃東西時,他女兒需要小便,於是帶她上男廁.他女兒看著隔壁一個男人在小便,然後大聲地問她父親:"爸爸,為什麼那個人前面有一條尾巴?"

講起真人真事…… ……有次同班客食飯，老細嗰個讀番書，年齡同我咁上下嘅仔都在座。飲飽食醉之後，老細仔遞咗一啲嘢俾我，我下意識以為係煙，諗住話「唔駛客氣，少食」嘅時候，望真啲，原來係面油紙。仲要係藍色嗰隻…… 呢個故事教訓我地： 藍色俾人一個較為專業嘅形像。 祝各位喺嚟緊嘅呢一年，不論男女 皮膚更幼滑 毛孔更細緻

朋友嘅朋友嘅張海澎 反而想知嗰位你朋友嘅朋友點回答。 （真係你「朋友」？定係……嘿嘿……你就係俾細路女差倫住嗰個？）

你個名點解？ 吳哥哥： 你每篇笑話我都笑到kitkit聲，阿媽問我咩事，重問我邊個寫得咁叻，我講你個名俾佢聽，第一次佢唔出聲，第二次佢厲住我，第三次我個咀腫左。我覺得好無辜喎，你可唔可以話俾我聽究竟為乜事呀？

Ha Ha Ha...... 豆豆,HaHaHa........

小豆豆，想唔想睇金魚呀？ 絕對唔係粗口諧音，伯母大可放心。 因為…我…份人…比較…唔會…阻頭…阻勢…正所謂…XX…唔…攔…路… 我都係第一次解釋我自己個名，所以有小小唔好意思。 祝你快高長大，精靈過人。 PS 張海澎，請你莊重啲。

重係唔明呀！ 吳哥哥： 我係豆豆，我個妹係粒豆，佢聽見有金魚睇，就問我係邊度有得睇喎，點知我一講你個名出o黎，隻腳都腫埋添喇。我以後都唔敢提你個名喇。之不過點解你解自己個名都解得咁吞.......吞.....吐.........吐....o既？

小粒豆，想唔想要F4閃咭閃中閃呀？ 吞…吞吐…吐…係因為…我份人…比較低……調同怕…醜，唔慣…講…自己。 頭先返王媽度過咗個好平安嘅平安夜，而家心情好好。好，又等我講返個聖誕故仔……（比較長，俾啲耐性…） 喺無幾耐之前，有一個完美嘅男人，遇上咗一個完美嘅女人。經過一輪完美嘅追逐，佢地舉行咗一個完美嘅婚禮，之後就快快樂樂咁——當然仲要係好完美咁——生活落去。 一個風雪嘅平安夜，嗰條濕滑嘅公路，嗰對完美嘅夫婦揸住佢地完美嘅車（睇怕係 Grand Caravan），見到路邊有個呀伯好惆悵咁坐喺度。作為一對完美嘅夫婦，佢地當然會停車問吓咩事。 原來嗰位就係傳說中嘅聖誕老人。正因為大風雪，Rudolph個鼻又唔記得入電芯，冇衛星定位儀嘅聖誕老人難途迷路呢一劫。為咗唔想令千千萬萬個不論nice或naughty嘅細路失望，嗰對完美嘅夫婦決定以佢地架車代替鹿車，同聖誕老人一齊送禮物。 好可惜，一向文藝腔嘅吳蘭露筆下嘅故事始終有啲傷痕……不幸地，車禍就喺呢個大風雪夜晚發生。結果只有一個生還者。 問題係，邊個係生還者？（下面揾答案……） 生還者係嗰個完美嘅女人。因為係人都知，呢個世界乜都有，但根本冇完美嘅男人同聖誕老人呢兩樣嘢，佢地一開始就已經唔存在。假如你係女仕，你可以唔駛睇落去，呢個故事完喇。男仕請繼續…… 正因為呢個世界冇完美嘅男人同聖誕老人，所以一定係個女人揸車。呢度正好解釋咗點解會有車禍發生。By the way，如果你係女性而你又睇到呢度，又正好解釋咗另一樣嘢： 女人永遠唔聽人講嘢。（叫咗你唔駛睇落嚟㗎啦……） 祝各位 聖誕平安 出路遇貴人

想講講我睇完後的反應 //生還者係嗰個完美嘅女人。因為係人都知，呢個世界乜都有，但根本冇完美嘅男人...// 點解的，為何世界上無完美嘅男人，但係又會有完美嘅女人的，吳蘭露是如何知道，如何証明的？ 想了一想．．． 原來女人眼中的世界是這樣的

答東壁 你咁認真，我唔識反應喎……

SorSor!!!!!!! 我睇到o個度真係唔知點解嫁，你又冇解，我又一直都冇o的咁o既觀念 之後我想 或者會係吳蘭露的朋友安慰失戀的吳蘭露的朋友的朋友時說的^^"

多謝你呀！ 吳哥哥： 澎哥哥話你係姐姐喎，我唔信。如果你係姐姐，佢一定唔敢笑得咁古惑o既。我都係當住你係哥哥先，咁好傾d。 你個篇「完美論」我睇左好多次，係睇最後一次o既時候，俾從來唔理幾歲細老哥都有私隱權o既老豆撞入o黎，問我睇緊乜，我話睇緊笑話，佢走埋黎電腦度，睇左好耐。我諗o岩la，可以乘機問下佢呢段野點解喇。點知我重未問，佢就話：唔錯唔錯，呢個人個名改得好，你日日睇睇，老豆就唔會輸馬仔。講完就走左出廳咯。 我呀媽係側邊唔抵得又要睇，我走夾唔抖咁留番佢自己一個人睇。點知足足半個鐘頭佢重未出黎，我唔抵得裝下佢，哎喲，不得了，佢眼仔紅紅呀！佢重yap我埋去，話佢睇完你個段野好感動喎。佢話你老豆重係度，就証明佢係個完美o既男人啦，我可以搵到個咁o既男人，真係食屎食著豆咯。(我而家先至知道我個名點解呀！) 佢重話呀，吳哥哥你個名係有深意o既喎，有錢梗係唔好露眼啦。 呀媽為左補償佢對我o既傷害，聽日重請去M叔叔度呀！ 吳哥哥，真係多謝你呀，我會日日都睇你貼出o黎o既笑話o架 la，咁我大個左就肯定會成為一個最完美o既男人，因為我好怕死o架！ 重有，我個妹粒豆問你幾時送金魚同閃咭呀，佢唔要F 4，要麥o麥喎。

豆豆 我都覺得吳蘭露會係你姐姐多o的 除左個名之外 信只有完美的女人而冇完美的男人的人 多數會係一個女人 問一問 香港Mensa會員係乜黎嫁？

男。女。 其實我自上網以嚟，一直都刻意隱瞞我嘅性別，仲要冇乜破綻。今次滑鐵盧，真係要多謝張海澎。 名： 唔明白點解「吳蘭露」係一個女人名。蘭同露都好女性化，但成個名根本就喺度搞緊鬼…… 故事： 實不相暪，個故仔唔係我作，只係我唔知彷彿喺邊度睇到個英文版，覺得幾刻薄，咁擒日醒起就靠記憶譯咗佢。 睇真啲，究竟個故事笑緊男，定係笑緊女？ 如果一個笑話需要有人解釋嘅話……我會幾失望…… 祝 男的歡，女的愛。

吳蘭露 問一問 香港Mensa會員係乜黎嫁？ 做到會員很利害的嗎？

The two students went to Honolulu on holiday. Soon they began to argue about the correct way to pronounce the word "Hawaii." One student insisted that it's Hawaii, with a "w" sound. The other student said it was pronounced like "Havaii," with a "v" sound. Finally, they saw an old native on the beach, and asked him which was correct. The old man said it's "Havaii." The student who was right was very happy, and thanked the old man. The old man said "you're velcome."

答東壁 (1)香港Mensa會員，即係香港Mensa Club嘅會員。 (2)呢個會一向都冇乜利害關係。順帶一提，我唔厲害。 會規有一條寫明未經有關方面（唔好問我邊方面，我唔知）同意，會員唔可以 for and on behalf of 呢個會講嘢。 所以我講嘅嘢，只係我講嘅嘢。 呢個網有一條規則寫明「不可作商業宣傳」。雖然Mensa Club唔係商業機構，但我都唔打算喺呢度宣傳。死火，其實咁講係咪即係宣傳緊呢…… 唔講太多，請自行摸索： http://www.hkmensa.org

！ 五十步笑百步，正一花癲！！！

喂，有甜點吃！ 大家請到"小息時間"去小息一會.

哈哈哈 小高想幫他新交的女朋友買生日禮物，他們交往不久．．． 這天，他約他女朋友的妹妹一起到百貨公司挑合適的禮物．．．． 經過細心考慮後，他決定一雙手套是比較好的選擇，很浪漫而又相當實用； 而且，最近也快有寒流來襲了。 於是，他買了一雙白色的手套；而他女朋友的妹妹則 為自己買了 一條內褲。 但在包裝時，糊塗的店員弄混了，竟將兩人的物品給掉包了，只是因為外表包裝還不 錯， 卻看不到其中的內容。 在不知情的情況下，小高並沒有檢查一下包裹裡的東 西．．．． 而他想用個浪漫的遞送方式∼郵寄，竟將禮物寄給女朋友，同時附上一封信...... 親愛的： 我選擇這件禮物是∼因為我注意到：每當你在晚上出去時，沒有習慣穿它。 合過你妹妹的尺寸後，我決定選大一點的，但是她穿的比較小，比較容易脫，很怕會掉 了。 它的顏色很淡，我怕容易髒，但售貨小姐穿了同樣的一件。 她說她已穿了三個星期，又脫給我看了，感覺不會很髒。 我想她的尺寸大概跟你一樣，所以請她試穿過了，穿上後，看起來非常漂亮。 希望我能第一次幫你穿上它，因為我深信，如果我不是第一次，在看到它以前， 一定有別人的手會摸它，也一定有別人的眼睛會看著它。 當妳脫掉它時，請吹一下再收起來，因為它一定會有一點濕。 想一想，這未來的一年裡，我將會親它多少次．．．．我一想，就不由得興奮起來， 真希望你在星期五夜晚會為我穿它。 P.S.如要趕上流行，戴它時，將上面摺下一些，這樣裡面的毛才會露出來。 愛你的小 高

哈哈哈...好抵死, 好纏綿......

回哈哈哈 - 小高的禮物 強！ 話哂呢度都係「聖誕談笑」，祝你 冬暖夏涼。

有一個男人與一班<約サ個>美女流落荒島..... 一星期後含笑九泉死而無憾！

笑話一則 有市民話:"董伯伯係傻0既!", 第二日即刻被人拉0左, 理由係.. ........................... ........................... ........................... ..洩露國家機密.^0^ ^0^ ^0^ 祝大家聖誕節快樂 *++++++*

回吳蘭露 多謝。 我都祝您：日進斗金。

Bill Clinton, Al Gore and Bill Gates all die in a plane crash. They are standing before God, seated on His throne. God asks Al: "What do you believe?" Al says: "I believe in the earth. I believe if we don't protect it, the whole earth will die." God says: "I like that, come sit on my left. Bill Clinton, what do you believe?" Bill Clinton says: "I believe in people. I believe the people should be empowered. I believe no one has the right to tell someone else what to do." God says: "I like that, come sit on my right. OK Bill Gates, what do you believe?" Bill Gates says: "I believe you're sitting in my chair."