百份百真人真名

新正頭，翔同小王一齊去打獵。喺森林裏面行行吓，突然間小王心臟病發，昏迷倒地。翔即刻打電話去求救…… 翔：999 呀？我朋友心臟病發死咗！ 999：先生請你冷靜啲先，而家要先確定佢咪係真係死咗……先生…？ 999 聽到聽筒嘅另一面傳來幾下槍聲。 翔：得喇而家確定咗喇，跟住點？

更無聊d ge 葛佬秋(在一場優雅晚宴中對鄰坐的女士說):你願意為了一千萬元跟我睡覺嗎? 女士(咯咯笑):喔!葛佬秋,我當然願意 葛佬秋:那麼十五元呢? 女士(憤怒): 什麼?你以為我是那種人嗎? 葛佬秋:你剛剛已經應誠了呀!現在我們只是在討價還價罷了

資料提供 根據可靠線報, 吳蘭露那個笑話是史上最好笑的笑話( 請不要誤會我是康某 :P), 由心理學家高薩爾所作 :D

^^ 又破殺戒!! 善哉善哉

多謝兩位 笑話好正

What is tragedy ? Wow! Let's listen to what President George Bush understands tragedy ! I got the joke on the Internet. _____________________________ President George Bush is visiting an elementary school, and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, "tragedy." So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives nextdoor, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over,that would be a tragedy." "No," says Bush, "that would be an ACCIDENT." A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains Mr. President. "That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS." The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally, way in the back of the room, a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. Bush, were struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, by a terrorist like Osama bin Laden, that would be a tragedy." "Fantastic," exclaims Bush, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a TRAGEDY?" "Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss."

a great one! thumbsup!

Nobody 您的笑話絕對不是悲劇（喜劇，of course)，您要離開此討論區可是您意外的想法，如果您不去而復來，那誠是對此討論區一樁損失。^_^

變心, you flattered me. 變心://您要離開此討論區可是您意外的想法，如果您不去而復來，那誠是對此討論區一樁損失。// No, I did not accidentally leave the thread called "Let's work together to ..." . In fact, I did it after careful consideration. Nevertheless, no matter whether I leave or not, it is absolutely sure that it will not bring about a loss to this forum, never. Oh, you flattered me.

Four Guys were searching the web and they got a similar joke. They post them below......, or above

President George Bush is visiting an elementary school, and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, "tragedy." So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives nextdoor, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy." "No," says Bush, "that would be an ACCIDENT." A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains Mr. President. "That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS." The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally, way in the back of the room, a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. Bush, were struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, by a terrorist like Osama bin Laden, that would be a tragedy." "Fantastic," exclaims Bush, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a TRAGEDY?" "Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss."

Elderly Cheung is visiting St. Ka Shing College, and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks Cheung if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, "tragedy." So the illustrious elderly asks the class for an example of a "tragedy." Testin stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives nextdoor, is hiking and a dog comes along and blocks his road, that would be a tragedy." "No," says Cheung, "that would be an ACCIDENT." Gen. raises he hand: "If a cargo bus carrying 50 chickens drove off a cliff, killing every chicken involved, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains Mr. Cheung. "That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS." The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. Elderly Cheung searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally, way in the back of the room, Little Wong raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, "If $ Force the 1st, carrying Mr. Cheung, were struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, by Mrs. Cheung, that would be a tragedy." "Fantastic," exclaims Cheung, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a TRAGEDY?" "Well," says Little Wong, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss."

Doctor Lee Tin Ming was once visiting a philosophical university, and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The principal at that time asked the Doctor if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, "tragedy." So the illustrious philosopher asked the class for an example of a "tragedy." Prof. Mou Tsung-san stood up and offered, "If my best soulmate, who lives nextdoor, is thinking in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy." "No," said Lee, "that would be an ACCIDENT." Prof. Tang Junyi raised he hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 philosophers drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explained Mr. Lee. "That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS." The room went silent. No other professors volunteered. Doctor Lee searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally, way in the back of the room, Prof. Ho Hsiu Hwang raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said, "If Philosophical Force the 1st, carrying Mr. Lee, were struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, by a terrorist like Mr. Mak, that would be a tragedy." "Fantastic," exclaimed Lee, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a TRAGEDY?" "Well," said Prof. Ho Hsiu Hwang's, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss."

Nobody is visiting an elementary school, and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks nobody to lead the class in the discussion of the word, "tragedy." So nobody asks the class for an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives nextdoor, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy." "No," says Nobody, "that would be an ACCIDENT." A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains nobody. "That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS." The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. Nobody searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally, way in the back of the room, a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, "If Air Force One, carrying nobody, were struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, by a terrorist like Osama bin Laden, that would be a tragedy." "Fantastic," exclaims nobody, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a TRAGEDY?" "Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss."

Be sensible ! Don't Big 2003-02-12 20:54:49:// Four Guys were searching the web and they got a similar joke. They post them below......, or above // 'Don't Big' created the other four webitors (Probably…Me@@, Mr. Hong, Ms Ng and Mr/Ms Nobody) . Then, he/ she virtually copied four times the joke I posted on this thread, changing only the names of the characters mentioned in the joke. Was 'Don't Big' telling jokes by repeating my joke? If so, I don't think it made any sense, but instead it wasted other's time, because one must have read at least part of the message before one knew one was reading a piece of rubbish. Besides, it wasted the space of this forum. Could this guy stop doing this ridiculous thing again, please?

I support Nobody!!! Don't waste our time, I am foolish enough to read two of them!!

To Thanks!

To Everybody Thanks!

Nobody 對你的回應沒有異議，只是你不明白我！

To 變心 變心:2003-02-12 23:19:52 //對你的回應沒有異議，只是你不明白我！ // I'm really sorry I haven't understood you. Is there anything I can do to help?

Nobody? 嘻嘻！揣摩君乎?

Nobody 其實你為什麼而來？

Nothing special To 混吉 I'm not 揣摩. ______________ To 變心 I just wanted to browse this forum the first time I came here. After the unfriendly and irrational attack on me, I left that particular discussion thread. Now I came back for the second time to post a joke I got on the Internet just to show those who didn't understand the difference between meaningless texts and non-meaningless ones.

Nobody 你的笑話要說明「有意義」和「沒意義」的分別？其實如何去分別？

變心 No, you misunderstood me. What I mean is that jokes are meaningful, but some texts, especially those nonsense deliberately written in this forum are meaningless. Did I make it clear?

Nobody 明白。 怎樣才是「有意義」?

變心 Whether a text is meaningful or meaningless depends on one's interpretation, to a very great extent, I suppose. It is not so crystal clear, sometimes. However, if most of us can't understand a text written for laymen, I think you may call it meaningless. I have once answered the same question in that particular discussion thread --- I said most of the texts written by Mr XX were nonsense. I still stick to this view.

Nobody Mr.XX委實挺可愛的。Nobody，我明早還得上班，我約定你明晚再聊，可以麼？你現在是甚麼地方呢？天氣好嗎？你今夜跟著就回我最後一篇，明晚再談，這樣說定吧。我現在就等著你的。

變心 I think I must be going. Good night!

Nobody 晚安！

變心 I am a Hongkonger, living in Hong Kong. I can't promise you. I will be here if only I'm available.

Nobody 衷心欣賞你的留言.

Nobody，SorSor! 這是我看了你的笑話後想到的 想到，打了， 人與事有許多聯想， 時間亦不足以使人淡忘， 本來有想過不貼的 既打了，不貼，想過，終不肯！ 我都覺長了點，想過删短，或找篇短的 不過因由你的笑話之故，亦不想支離破碎 所以最後都冇改到（或者係我懶） 不太想是一篇廢話 更不想是一篇針對話 最不想的没有發生＾＾ 因為...所以...

美 國 有 一 個 很 多 讀 者 的 愛 情 信 箱 叫 Dear Abby ， 看 到 一 則 讀者的來信 ， 甚有 趣 ， 試 譯 如 次 ： Dear Abby ： 我 和 我 的 女 朋 友 訂 婚 ， 已 差 不 多 一 年 了 。我 們 下 個 月 要結 婚 。我 的 未 來 丈 母 娘 不 但 非 常 漂 亮 ， 而 且 很 能 幹 和 體 貼 。 婚禮 的 一 切 ， 都 是 她 安 排 的 。有 一 天 ， 她 叫 我 過 去 她 的 家 ，說 要 和 我 商 量 邀 請 客 人 的名 單 ， 因 為 人 數 愈 來 愈 多 ，我 們 一 定 要 作 出 選 擇 。我 當 然 去 了 。 在 她 家 ， 我 們 嘗試 把 客 人 名單 減 到 一 百 個左 右 … …忽 然 ， 她 把 我 推 倒 在 床 上 ， 她 說 我 下個 月 就 要 變 成 她 的女 婿 ， 就 不 能 幹 壞 事 了 ， 不 如 乘 現 在 大 家來 一 下 。說 完 之 後 ， 她 站 了 上 來 ， 指 著 門 口 ： 「 如 果 你 不 想的 話，大 門 開 著 ， 你 隨 時 可 以 離 開 ， 當 成 沒 有 這 回 事 發 生 。」 我 遲 疑 了 五 分 鐘 ， 不 知 道 怎 麼 處 理 這 件 事 ， 最 後 我 作 了 決定 ， 我 衝 出 了 大 門 。在 外 面 ， 我 看 到 她 的 丈 夫 ， 我 未 來的 岳父 站 在 汽 車 旁 邊 。他 微 笑 說 ： 「 我 們 把 女 兒 嫁 給 你 之 前 ， 一定 要 試 探 你 的人 格 ， 你 現 在 通 過 你 的 測 試 了 ， 我 恭 喜 你 。我和 我 的 太 太 都會 很 放 心 地 把 女 兒 交 到 你 手 中 。 」 說 完 ， 他 伸出 手 來 給 我 握 住 。 Dear Abby ， 我 現 在 寫 信 給 你 ， 要 聽 聽 你 的 意 見 。我 是 否 應 該把 整 件 事 的 過 程 告 訴 我 的 未 婚 妻 呢 ？ 這 到 底是 有 損 我 的 尊 嚴嘛 。 或是 ， 我 應 該 隱 瞞 事 實 ， 不 告 訴 我 的 未 婚 妻 說 ，我 衝 出去................................................................ 只 是 為 了 想 去 7 -11 買 一 個 保 險 套 呢 ？

A joke about the former President A true story (?) from the Japanese Embassy in US: Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets with President Bill Clinton. The instructor told Mori " Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Clinton, please say 'how are you'. Then Mr Clinton should say "I am fine, and you ?" Now you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we translators will do all the work for you." It looks quite simple, but the truth is ................ When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who Are You ?". Mr Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor : "Well, I am Hilary's husband, ha ha..." Then Mori replied confidently "Me too, ha ha ha.." Then there was a long silent moment in the meeting room.

Okie-Three Kick Rule (The story is a bit long ^_^ A big city, California, lawyer went duck hunting in S.E. Oklahoma. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Oklahoma. We settle small disagreements like this with the Okie Three-Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "What is the Okie Three-Kick Rule?" The Farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot! Now, it's my turn!" The old farmer grinned and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck!"

Thanks Alex Chu Ha,ha,........ Very funny.

To: Ruth Thank for your thanks. ^_^

An Italian in Malta 有口音, 出國要小心! One day I gonna to Malta to a big hotel,in the morning I go down to eat a breakfast. I tell the waitress that I want two pieces of toast .she brings me only one piece. I tell her "I wanna two pieces". She say "Go to the toilet". I say "you don't understand, I wanna two pieces on my plate". She say to me: "you better not piss on the plate, you sonnawabitch". I do not even know this lady and she call me a sonnawabitch!! Later I go to eat at a bigger restaurant. The waiter brings me a Spoon and a knief but no fock. I tell her "I wanna a fock" and she tella me : "everyone wanna fuck". I tella her " you don't undertsand me...I wanna fock on the table". She say : "you better not fuck on the table you sonnawabitch." So I go back to my room in my hotel and there is no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him "I wanna a sheet". he tell me to Go the toilet. I say "you don't understand I wanna a sheet on my bed". He say:"you better not shit on the bed, you sonnawabitch". I go to the Check out and the man at the desk said " peace on you".and I say : " Piss on you too, you sonnawabicth". I gonna back to Italy!

m_d, Nobody, ahwong, Alex Chu, 吳蘭露, 小花生

語文老師在講台上很有表情地為大家（用普通話）讀了一首題為「臥春」的詩，要大家寫在筆記本上： 《臥春》 暗梅幽聞花，臥枝傷恨底， 遙聞臥似水，易透達春綠， 岸似綠，岸似透綠，岸似透黛綠。 沒想到一位同學的筆記竟然是這樣學寫的： 《我蠢》 俺沒有文化，我智商很低， 要問我是誰，一頭大蠢驢， 俺是驢，俺是頭驢，俺是頭呆驢。

題目：fanquewalimud 李天命你讓我想起香港某酒店里的這一段對白： Hotel Guest: Good morning. Room Service: Loom servic,good morling. Hotel Guest: Could I order my breakfast, please? Room Service: Ye sir, what do you lie? Dor-si? Hotel Guest: What..? Room Service:Dor-si, sir, you wan eat dor-si? Hotel Guest: Oh, oh, yes, toasts. Room Service: You want egg and bacon? Hotel Guest: Yes, please. Room Service: Sunny side ngup? Hotel Guest: Right, sunny side up. Room Service: Kafee and olang ju? Hotel Guest: Sorry? Room Service: You want drink Kafee or olang ju? Hotel Guest: Ah, right, coffee please. Room Service: You need eat food? Hotel Guest: What? Room Service: Food! Lie apple, olang. Hotel Guest: Ah, no, thanks. Room Service: You need lead today newpaper, sir? Hotel Guest: Sor….Oh, no no, no newspaper. Thank you. Room Service: OK, fanquewalimud, sir!

重有一個 唔好意思，個故仔有d長。 EuroEnglish The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's govt conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish": -- In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

笑話 (?) 有日一名男職員向其上司說：「主任，我想請假去向我女朋友求婚。」 上司卻說：「你有沒有聽過婚姻是愛情的墳墓？」 男職員聽後答道：「那麻煩你把我的事假改為喪假吧！」 ********************************** 女：「如果我們結婚，你會戒煙嗎？」 男：「會的。」 女：「還有戒酒嗎？」 男：「是的。」 女：「晚上也不去玩樂？」 男：「是的。」 女：「那還有什麼要放棄的嗎？」 男：「結婚的念頭。」

[茶餐廳] 兩人在某某茶餐廳坐底飲杯野！有一位侍應走埋黎就同佢地講:『你地死左未呀! 二人當然覺得莫明奇妙啦！仲答番個侍應話:『我地梗係未死啦！』原來個侍應想同佢地講:『你地寫左野未呀!』 > > > > > [豐澤電器] 某某在豐澤電器欲購電視機，向售貨員詢問:『請問呢部電視機有冇電視框呀？』 售貨員莫明奇妙但仍恭恭敬敬地答:『有！』 咁電視框幾多錢呀 』 『太太，唔好意思，要成架買，冇電視框 』某某無奈地離去了。 原來佢想問：有冇DISCOUNT呀？ > > > > > [美心快餐] 當年去食美心個姐姐話歡迎來「米心廢親」 > > > > > [冰雕城] 三年前，當call機還是蠻流行的時候，秘書台服務人員的英文水平卻不太好。 有一天有人收到一個message：『亞娟叫你在冰雕城等。』他看後非常搔曬頭。 『冰雕城』？？？香港哪有冰雕城？ 他後來才知道，他的同學叫佢去…Main Building；而不是；叫佢去…冰雕城。 > > > > > [來電顯示] 有日在手提電話店內買新電話，店員說：『先生，這款是最新的手提電話，有『雷電顯示』，個顧客問：『是天文台發出的嗎？』她說：『是電訊公司提供的』，原來 > 來電顯示。

English wit, Indian idiot and Chinese fool 在英國，燈泡的包裝紙上都有警告--do not put that object into your mouth. 意思是不要把燈泡放進口中。 他奶奶的...那有人會放這東西進口中？英國人都有些白痴... 告訴你，世事無絕對！ 有天我和一個印度朋友在家中看電視，我和他談到這件事，他告訴我他們小學的教科書也有教到,因燈泡放進口後便會卡住無論如果都拿不出來，他十分肯定書是那麼說的...但我十分懷疑，我認為燈泡的表面是十分滑的，如果可以放得進口，證明口部足夠大讓其出入，理論上也可以拿出來。 但這印度白痴只說書是那麼說的...便一定是正確...我被他這種不求什解的態度弄火了，我說他笨， 他說我不會英文不看書...我們便吵了起來... 我一肚火的回了家，拿起一個普通大小的燈泡在床上左想右想，始終認為我沒有錯，想到這印度朋友的無知，也本著科學家的精神-----大膽假設，小心求證。 我決定要證實他看。當然，我也做了安全措施...買了一枝菜油回家。 若卡土住了便放油，我就不信滑不出來！ 一切就緒，二話不說便把燈泡放進口中... 不消1秒便滑入了口，倒也容易...照這樣看要拿出來絕無問題。 心想這印度白痴，看看我中國人的智慧和膽色吧！ 不像你這書呆子...心想中國戰勝印度...打從心裏笑了出來...哈哈！ 於是我輕鬆的拉了燈泡一下.........好！我放多點力......... o.k∼我把口張大一些......... 不怕，我把口張得最大，放多一點力（要很小心拉破燈）........媽的！...真的在內裏卡住了......好在還有枝菜油......... （30 分鐘後） 我倒了3/4枝油，其中一半倒了進肚，那燈泡還是動也不動... 這時候，我只好打電話求救....................... 正當我按到一半，我記起我口中塞了個燈泡...如何說話？ 現在我只好向鄰居求助，我寫了一張便條後便去找鄰家那老婦。 她一見我便大呼救命...我立即給她看我的便條--- please call me a taxi and tell the driver to take me hospital. （請招我一輛的士，還請告訴司機蛓我到醫院。） 她看了大約1.75分鐘後大聲狂笑... （如果我說得出話我便**她了。） 15分鐘後，的士來了。 司機一見我，笑了一回（其實他一直沒有停過）。 在的士上不停的問我何以這麼做...（...他媽的...我如何答他？） 還不停說我的口太小，如果是他的口便沒有問題... 我看看他的口真是很大... 但我好想告訴他，無論如何不要試...可惜我開不了口！ 我看看他的倒後鏡，我好像含住一條金魚... 在醫院，我被護士罵了十多分鐘，說我浪費她們時間。 還要我排一條很長的龍... 我在人群中待了2.5小時...2.5小時... 那些痛楚萬分的傷者，看見我都好像不痛了...人人都偷偷笑出來... 我覺得自己還有些作用... 醫生把綿花放進我口的兩旁，然後把燈泡打碎...一片片的拿出來... 我的口腫得很大...最後他告訴我下回不要試，和告訴別人我的經驗... 我告訴他我一定不會了。 當我離開醫院時，我在想這地球一定沒有像我這麼白痴的生物了... 當我開門離開時，迎面來了一個人，是剛才那的士司機... 他口中含住一個燈泡 _____________________ Nobody's remarks: Whether it is a joke or not remains unknown. Make your own judgement, pals. My advice is : don't try experimenting it for the sake of your safety.

Language teachers must read 超爆笑的(尤其那句愚公移山...更神) 小時候老師常告訴全班作文寫得最好的我說: 「作文要寫得比別人好，一定要多用成語，我看文本文後，我想我一輩子也比不上這位同學的水準！」 一份令任何國文老師看了都必定抓狂的作文 (Source : Taiwan ----Nobody) ----------------------------------- 今天是國慶日，因為英明偉大的政府建設國家、愛護百姓的功績[罄竹難書]，所以放假一天，爸爸媽媽特地帶我們到動物園玩。 按照慣例，我們早餐喜歡吃地瓜粥。今天因為地瓜賣完了，媽媽只好[黔驢技窮]地削些芋頭來[濫竽充數]。沒想到那些種在陽台的芋頭很好吃，全家都貪得無厭地[自食其果]。 出門前，我那[徐娘半老]的媽媽打扮的[花枝招展]，[鬼斧神工]到一點也看不出是個[糟糠之妻]。頭頂[羽毛未豐]的爸爸也趕緊[洗心革面][沐猴而冠]，換上[雙管齊下]的西裝後英俊得[慘絕人寰]，[雞飛狗跳]到讓人[退避三舍]。[東施效顰]愛漂亮的妹妹更是穿上調整型內衣[愚公移山]，[畫虎類犬]地打扮的[豔光四射]，[趾高氣昂]地穿上新買的高跟鞋。 我們[一丘之貉]坐著[素車白馬]，很快地到了動物園，不料參觀的人多到[豺狼當道][草木皆兵]，害我們一家[骨肉分離]。[妻離子散]的爸爸[鞠躬盡瘁]地到處廣播，終於找到到差點[認賊作父]的我和[遇人不淑]的妹妹，困獸之鬥中，我們[螳臂當車][力排眾議][推己及人]地擠到猴子柵欄前，[魚目混珠]拍了張[強顏歡笑]的全家福。 接著到[雞鳴狗盜]的鳥園欣賞[風聲鶴唳][哀鴻遍野]的大自然美妙音樂。後來爸爸[口沫橫飛]地為我們[指鹿為馬]時，吹來一陣涼風，[唾面自乾]的滋味，讓人[毛骨悚然][不寒而慄]，媽媽連忙為爸爸[黃袍加身]，也叮囑我們要[克紹其裘]。 到了傍晚，因為假日的關係，餐廳家家[鵲佔鳩巢][六畜興旺]，所以媽媽帶著我們[孟母三遷]，最後終於決定吃火鍋。有家餐廳剛換壁紙，[家徒四壁]很是美麗，[燈火闌珊]配上[四面楚歌]，非常有氣氛。[十面埋伏]的女服務生們四處[招蜂引蝶]，忙著為客人[圍魏救趙]，[口蜜腹劍]到讓人誤認到了西方[極樂世界]。 [飢不擇食]的我們點了綜合火鍋，[作懷不亂]的爸爸[當頭棒喝][先發制人]，要求[為虎作倀]拿著刀子[班門弄斧]的女服務生，快點將狡兔死走狗烹，因為[尸位素餐]的我們一家子早就[添油加醋]完畢，就等著火鍋趕快[沈魚落雁]好[問鼎中原]，可惜鍋蓋太小，有點[欲蓋彌彰]。 湯料沸騰後，熱得[樂不思蜀]的我們趕緊解衣推食好[大義滅親][上下其手]，[一網打盡]撈個[水落石出]。 火鍋在我們[呼天嗆地][面紅耳赤]地[蠶食鯨吞]後，很快就只剩[滄海一粟]，和少數的[漏網之魚]。母範猶存的媽媽想要丟三落四放冬粉時，發現火苗已經[危在旦夕]，只好[投鼠忌器]。幸好[狐假虎威]的爸爸[呼盧喝雉]叫來店員[抱薪救火]，終於[死灰復燃]，也讓[如坐針毯]的我們[中飽私囊]。[鳥盡弓藏]後，我們一家子[酒囊飯袋]，[沆瀣一氣]，我和妹妹更是[小人得志]，[沾沾自喜]。 不料結帳的時候，老闆露出[廬山真面目]，居然要[一飯千金]，爸爸氣得[吳牛喘月]，媽媽也委屈地[牛衣對泣]。 啊！這[三生有幸]的國慶日，就在爸爸對著錢包[自慚形穢][大義滅親]後，我們全家[江郎才盡]，[一敗塗地]！ ~ the end ~

濫人權主義下集 某少婦一向我行我素，即使在公眾場合給孩子餵哺人乳，也絕不扭捏。 一次，他和丈夫帶同孩子上館子吃飯，孩子肚餓哭鬧起來，少婦掀起衣角便給孩子餵奶。 餐廳侍應走道她身旁，婉言請她不要當眾餵奶。 少婦大為光火，說道：「難道你要侵害我的人權嗎？你認為餵哺人乳淫穢不雅嗎？」 侍應禮貌地指著牆上告示說： 「不是，不過這兒禁止進食非本餐廳供應的食品。」

當天才嬰兒看見了老闆娘的重量級身形和尊容後，面色一沉，說道：「我飲慣脫脂奶，麻煩你都係比杯水我啦。」 ^_^

知唔知點解公狗小便時要抬起一腿？ 當世間第一隻雄性狗狗小便時、牠旁邊的牆壁突然塌下把該狗狗壓個正著；於是，此後每次此狗狗小便時便有理冇理用隻後腳撐住先。。。撑

A Bush Bush joke National Pride 2003 A British doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks." German doctor says, "That's nothing; we can take a lung out of one person put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks." A Russian doctor says, "In my country, medicine is so advanced we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another and have them both looking for work in two weeks." The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, "You guys are way behind. We just took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work, and the other half preparing for war."

後悔嗎？ 有個寡婦心血來潮擦拭閣樓中找到的舊油燈，心愛的貓在她身旁磨蹭、忽然間、燈怪跳了出來、允諾達成她三個願望。 「我要青春美麗、要有億萬財富、要我的貓變成英俊王子！」她毫不孝慮地回答。 一陣煙霧過後、她果然變成窕佻美麗、周圍堆滿了珠寶、一個英俊的王子站在她身旁、貓不見了。王子輕輕地摟住她、她陶醉在王子的懷抱中、覺得心滿意足、整個人快融掉了、這時王子在她耳邊溫柔細語：「妳閹了我、現在後悔嗎？」

我......愛上了一個人了，他在麥當勞店裡工作，年約30歲，有著一副白淨的面孔，不同於其他人，他的笑容，是很純粹，很自然的... 我看得出來，其他人的笑容，不是偽裝過，就是做做樣子罷了，但是他，他的笑容卻是發自內心深處，讓人有一種安心感，就像回到溫暖的家一樣，令我的心噗通噗通的跳躍著．．．．． 有好幾次，我都想跟他說說話，跟他分享心裡的一些秘密，但是我不行，因為"她"的存在... 她是麥當勞裡的經理，長的很艷麗，令人有種高貴的感覺，她似乎也對我的心上人有特別的感情，總是三不五時的就瞄他一眼，好似其他人都不值得關心。 我討厭她，你會希望在跟心上人分享秘密時，有一道目光瞪著你們嗎？但是，我對他的感情，並不因此而減退，反而越來越濃厚...... 終於有一天，我鼓起了勇氣，在買完餐點後，在他的手中，放了一顆朱古力，然後我慢慢的抬起頭來，看著他，看他是否有所表示... 他....他笑了，一種開心而滿足的笑容，瞬間感染了我的心扉，那一天，我整個人像是要飄起來的喜悅，只因為他的笑容。 從此，我天天去麥當勞，並在買完餐點後，偷偷的在他手中放上一顆朱古力，而他也總是以那滿足的笑容回應著我...... 好景不長，有一次我因為動作太大，給朱古力的時候居然被她發現了，她怒視著我，那火焰般的眼神像是要撕裂我一般，而我，心虛的快步走出麥當勞，並悄悄地 回頭一看....眼前的景象嚇了我一跳，她，居然大剌剌的把朱古力從他的手中搶了過去，還用力的甩進垃圾桶，我整顆心充滿了憤怒，眼淚氣得奪眶而出。 我衝進店裡，大聲的問她為什麼要搶走我給他的朱古力，還丟進垃圾桶裡，她輕藐的看著我，從嘴裡將一個字一個字清楚的吐出來...... >> . >> . >> . >> . >> . >> . >> . >> . >> . >> . >> 「小妹妹，請你不要再把糖果放在麥當勞叔叔的雕像上了，會生螞蟻的！」

夠淫蕩吧？ 昨天遇上一件事情。 上午我到一家外資公司謀職面試完畢，乘電梯下樓。在某一層電梯停住了，門打開， 看見一個衣著性感的女郎，一手挽著名牌手袋，一手扶著電梯門，身體斜靠著，用挑逗的語氣問我：夠淫蕩吧？ 我控制住洶涌的思潮冷靜分析，人家外企就是不同，人家外企的女職員就是開放，怪不得有人說，我們比他們落后起碼三十年，這句話是有道理的。 我平靜地說：淫蕩是淫蕩了點，但我喜歡。 我知道我說這句話的樣子也一定很酷，作為一個有骨氣的受傳統文化熏陶中華兒女，要在新時代新潮流面前努力轉變思想，不能甘于落后。 突然間那女郎用手袋猛地向我砸來，一邊還說：你這流氓！...... 直到晚上我才醒悟，原來她說的是：Going Down 吧？ 這件小事促使我下定決心、排除萬難、在本世紀頭20年力爭適應中英文混用的新潮流。

自由女神 A joke on the Internet 若干年前,大陸一位老兄到紐約公幹。工作之餘,也打算休息休息,看看風景名勝。為此他查了大量的資料,做了充分的準備。眾多名勝之一,就有自由女神像(Statue of Liberty)。 為了確保能夠到達仰慕已久的地方,他甚至把負責自由女神像參觀的聯系電話都找到 666-2613。於是,他就打輛出租出發了。下面是他和出租司機的對話。 Driver: " Where do you want to go., sir? "Mr. D: " FREE Woman, Do you know where I can find Free Woman? "Driver: " What? :-O Hey man, here is America, nothing is free !!! "Mr. D: " Oh, how comes. I read it from yellow page. See, here is the phone number, sex-sex-sex-two-sex-one-free."哇咧~~

轉貼 有一次返國內,響酒店睇電視,電視正放影著一齣電影,睇到其中兩句對白既中文字幕, 笑到我反肚. 對白 女演員:[Are you kidding?] 男演員:[No, I'm serious.] 字幕 女演員:[你是杰丁?] 男演員:[不,我是斯維爾.]

緊記要釐清一下！ 珠女：「如果你丈夫有外遇，你會怎樣？」 珍珍：「我會隻眼開，隻眼閉咯！」 珠女：「嘩！你這麼大方！」 珍珍：「不，我只是用槍瞄準他。」

英文名大忌 Judy Fan 同 Andy Fan 兩姊弟都幾得意, 家姊(早D返), 細佬(晏D訓). 畢小姐唔使買眉筆, 佢個名叫阿May. 打邊爐一定要預埋Albert Yip, 唔使買牛柏葉. Barbie 喬小姐(Barbecue), Rita黎小姐(維他奶), Frankie湯(蕃茄湯)同Jeffrey湯(豬肺湯)兩兄弟, Pinky林(冰淇淋)小姐, Mic江(米缸)先生, 全部都係同食有關. 我好鍾意搭住阿Dick個膊頭, 因為佢姓施(搭的士). 林先生睇o黎都無乜機會抱孫, 因為佢個仔叫做Samuel Lam(性無能). 車先生叫做阿Joe, 後來開o左間租車公司, 布先生叫做Alfa, 開o左間舖就係歐化寶. Marble 杜小姐住o係馬寶道, 佢個好朋友Suki Wan,最近搬o左去筲箕灣. 張小朋友叫阿Jack, 佢老師叫親佢都叫"即將", 佢大家姐叫做Pauly, 二家姐叫阿June, 一個玻璃窗, 一個磚牆. 不論男女, 如果姓何o既英文名千萬唔好用S 字頭, 因為人地叫你做S. Ho(Axxhole)都唔知應唔應佢好.

哈! 睇見1234 個笑話, 記起唐太宗個英文名:李simon

百份百真人真名 有時見到啲名真係想大叫： 有位舊同事姓周，英文名 Benedict，但我地通常只會叫 Ben。Well, you know... 好攞命，見過有間公司嘅聯絡人竟然叫 Baby Chan。 又係舊同事，姓高，名 Joe。大吉利是！ 最特別莫過於幫同事接過一個電話，對方姓軒轅。

–我聽過一個李素寶........嫁左比個姓 "簫" 既 羅有大, 吳長大, 吳昭德, 吳美麗, 莫思科, 林花, 洪梅貴, 周新恆, 麥生仁, 老來旺, 吳廣德, 畢可宜, 周蕙娟 鍾樂海 => 郭德雲? 廖植彪, 柯蘭詩,劉比蒂, 史塔蓋 黃嘉藍" ---> 變綠? "黃金劍, 聽講佢兄弟叫黃金刀" "兩父子, 阿爸叫李杰, 個仔叫李仲杰" "三兄妹 : 游詠富, 游詠依, 游詠慈"…游世伯, 咁大整古呀!" 吳曉郁, 吳樹喜 => 姚偉歌

古老笑話 ：請問貴姓？ ：李廣先。 ：吳廣住。閣下呢？ ：李廣先。 ：都話吳廣住咯！咁你呢？ ：都話李廣先咯！ ：下？玩野下話？ ：玩野？你玩野下話？ - - 笑聲已逝 童年永誌

Can you figure it out ? Oh, my God! Another joke on the Internet Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were married. This made my dad my son-in-law. And changed my very life. My daughter was my mother, for she was my father's wife. To complicate the matters worse, although it brought me joy, I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother to the widow's grown-up daughter who, of course, was my step-mother. Father's wife then had a son,who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, for he was m! y daughter's son. My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, she is my grandma too. If my wife is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, it simply drives me wild for now I have become the strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa !!!

記憶中最近收到的email: 一日大灰熊和小白兔肩並肩在野外大解。 大灰熊忽然問小白兔曰： 「平時你痾完屎介唔介意D屎黐住D毛架？」 小白兔凝神想了一會，答曰： 「都唔唔介意嘅。」 說罷大灰熊便一手捉起小白兔用來抿屎。

記憶中兒時看過印象深刻的一個笑話（大意） 中國人向來有在新春時節於門前貼上吉利語句的習慣。 話說某村中靠養猪為生的幾兄弟過了極之倒霉的一年，官司纏身，又逢鼠疫，養的猪又瘦又小。 好不容易捱到年尾，大哥便提議由兄弟們各想一句吉利語句，由他謄寫後再於新春時節貼於門前。眾兄弟皆曰善，於是便由二哥開始：「新年好。」 三哥：「霉氣少。」 四哥：「不得打官司。」 五哥：「養猪長成象。」 么弟：「老鼠死個淨。」 大哥用心記好眾兄弟出的主意後，便即席揮毫。未幾，即大功告成： 「新年好霉氣，少不得打官司。養猪長成象老鼠，死個淨。」